Tag: Kivalians vs Erogenians
TRANSCRIPT:
“TULA”: Oh, yes! Ohhh, it’s so big! I …
MALDIK: Oh, my love … I’m trying to be gentle. I wouldn’t ever … want … to hurt you …
“TULA”: Never mind! Harder! DO IT! I want it all! Oh Gods! I can feel it in my NECK!! Oh!
ANINA: Oh yes. Yes. So good!
DRACONIAN PRIEST: It do not change de lives we ha’ lost, de destruction and de treasure cost.
GUDIK: Granted. We can discuss reparations, but now we need a principle to stop fighting each other and …
THERIK: The Church will not pay a copper penny! This -
YANORA: Bishop, I think that you may find that once my son is back on the throne where he belongs, the Church will have enough to do with cleaning itself up. I am speaking of traitors wearing the vestments of Thrasu …
DRACONIAN: Heh. Dat sounds a bit dire fer yer Church.
THRASAN: More than the likes of me need be concerned about. Or the Erogenians, neither. Saying that the Dragons are awake. How did they know? Did they see `em? What did they play riddles with `em or something?
DRACONIAN: Suppos’tly de Erogenian queen says dey saw `em.
THRASAN: Well … Erogenians.
DRACONIAN: De Erogenians be b’barians, aye, but dey’re right in de Book O’ Draco. Dey even gets a place in Second Paradise after de Final Fall. An’ dey never lie.
THRASAN: Well, yeah, I heard that they don’t lie to each other. They can lie to enemies.
DRACONIAN: Oh. Aye, I never t’ought o’ dat … Still. If de Dragons are awake, it means de end of de worl’.
THRASAN: “If.”
DRACONIAN: Aye.
THRASAN: You got a name?
DRACONIAN: `Course. But … I t’ink I won’ tell ye.
THRASAN: Oh.
DRACONIAN: On’y `cause if de Dragons ain’t back, den we got to go back to killin’ each odder. And’ I don’t wanna know yer name nor you know mine.
THRASAN: Oh. Yeah.
DRACONIAN TRAVELLERS: We mus’ see de King!
DRACONIAN: Hoy dere!
THRASAN: Halt! Who goes?
NARR: A new day.
ZONN: Well, that’s impressive. Only you could have pulled it off.
IPOLA: It was a group effort - and we had luck on our side.
ZONN: The Draconians and the Thrasans marching together. I would never have thought it.
IPOLA: They get along about as well as you’d expect.
ZONN: As well as we did with Kendrik’s people?
IPOLA: A bit better in some ways, worse in others. I swear if it hadn’t been for a bit of kismet, it mightn’t have happened at all.
NARR: A week earlier, in Greymouth.
THERIK: This is blasphemy! Blasphemy, your Majesty!
IPOLA: I know you weren’t chosen for your brains, Bishop, but try to get a few things through your head:
THERIK: You are just a … a … an Erogenian phantom! Why do you even listen to her, your Majesty?
GUDIK: Because she’s a Majesty, too and we’ll all listen to her, understood?
THRASAN: Dry work, eh?
DRACONIAN: Aye.
YANORA: Nevertheless, we must have your forces at home, else there may be no home to go to.
GUDIK: God, I’ll lose as many just trying to withdraw as taking the whole kingdom. There’s already two Draconian armies on the way to raise this siege. They’ll never let me just walk away ...
IPOLA: They actually may want to join you.
GUDIK: Fat chance of that!
IPOLA: Yet, they may. Because you know something that the Draconian Church would very much like to know, and that may make all the difference in the world to them.
GUDIK: Oh, Really,
IPOLA: Something that fulfills their own prophecies.
GUDIK: And what is that?
IPOLA: Shuach has awakened the Dragons.
GUDIK: (pause) Pull the other one!
GUDIK: … No. I can’t. It’s impossible at this point.
TETHIK: You must!
GUDIK: Tethik, I make a lot of allowances for you, but don’t you dare ever tell me what the king “must” do.
TETHIK: Then don’t listen to me. Listen to your own common sense. I know it’s in there, buried somewhere under your thick-headed arrogance.
TETHIK: If you don’t leave off this folly now, Kivalia and Erogenia may very well fall to the Urtts. A thousand years of history, all we’ve built will be razed by the enemy to make their own hellscape in Shuach’s image. Then what a nice little petty kingdom you will have here in Greymouth to defend against our enemy that’s stronger than ever!
GUDIK: How am I supposed to do it!? You understand I’ve spent the better part of a year making dead corpses and live enemies of these people. You think they’ll let me just walk away?
Shall we just say, “Oh, sorry - this is Greymouth? We thought it was Greenmouth! Our mistake. Have to pop off now. You don’t mind tidying up for us, do you? There’s a good chap!”
YANORA: Really, dear, it’s not the time to try to be witty.
GUDIK: Mother -
YANORA: And fail.
GUDIK: You see? This is why I’d rather be at war than at home.
A LITTLE BIT LATER …
CU on GUDIK, his brows knitting.
GUDIK: So … the Urtts.
TETHIK: Yes.
GUDIK: Maldik.
YANORA: Yes.
GUDIK: Bloody Deeps … I mean I knew he was an ass, but this is an absolute masterpiece of idiocy.
TETHIK: To say the very least.
IPOLA: Will you leave this war now, and come home, my lord?
YANORA: Proceed, darling. I’m going to sit and have a drink, if no one minds.
THERIK: Your Majesty - I must protest! This … this illusion may be some Draconian trick.
GUDIK: Therik.
THERIK: The Church does not approve of this magick, I am sure. Some power may be trying to deceive you ...
GUDIK: Therik.
THERIK: My lord, I must -
GUDIK: And you just did. Well done. Now kindly shut up.
GUDIK: Believe me, no one can counterfeit my mother, not like this. This is her, in all her insufferable glory.
YANORA: Oh, I love you too, sweet boy.
GUDIK: (pours a wine for himself.) All right, Tethik. Let us hear it. And for your sake this had better be absolutely everything you say it is.
YANORA: You would already know that if you’d taken the ring I offered you when you left, darling.
GUDIK: I travelled two thousand miles to get away from you, Mother. I wasn’t about to take a trinket along with me that lets you nag me from Normos, criticizing every bloody little mistake I make, driving me insane ...
YANORA: And would it be “nagging” to point out that that was, itself, a mistake that could bring down the whole kingdom?
GUDIK: Oh Thrasu’s arsehole, Mother!
THERIK: Your Majesty!
GUDIK: I’ll confess later.
YANORA: As if anything makes a dent in your brain, anyway. You’re solid as a rock, completely direct and literal. Anything bothers you, you just chop it out of your way.
GUDIK: I suppose you’d have me weave webs and deceits like you, then? If I have an enemy I deal with them in the open!
YANORA: Yes, just like your father. And you have all his other faults, as well.
GUDIK: Oh, so now we’re cataloging faults, are we? Shall we open the Tome-sized book of your faults and start reciting, Mother?
YANORA: I’m sure it would be amusing, but we haven’t the time.
GUDIK: It would take an age to get through, wouldn’t it?
TETHIK: Gudik, your Majesties! If I may, perhaps I could answer Gudik’s quite reasonable question and explain the reason for all this time, effort and use of magick.
IPOLA: Of us all I think you can probably explain it best, my friend.
YANORA: Ipola? What is it?
IPOLA: Tethik’s finally got there, Yanora.
YANORA: I see. Best finish dressing, then. Don’t want to scandalize the children.
Ah, Gudik, my little cherub.
GUDIK: Mother.
YANORA: My how sour you look, sweeting. What, siege engines not up to snuff? I do wish you’d listened to Mummy about that.
YANORA: (Sees Thann) Oh, and just *look* who’s here. So this is the one they chose to murder Gudik?
IPOLA: Indeed, I wonder whose idea it was?
YANORA: How very ironic.
THANN: What does that mean? How do you know who I am?
YANORA: (dismissively) The same way I know a great many things, lamb. But never mind.
GUDIK: Will someone tell me what this whole shit show is about? What’s so important that all three of you have to come here, interrupt my perfectly enjoyable little war -
THERIK: “Holy crusade,” your Majesty …
GUDIK: Damn right! It’s a goddamn holy war with the blessing of the goddamn church! And I need to be getting on with it, so what is this magickal hernia for?